launch copy that doesn't need an estimated read time.

Short & Stout

Why drink the LONG island iced tea when a shot will get the job done? That's how I feel about sales copy. I do extensive research about your buyers, market, and brand to be sure to write a stiff, high converting sales page that'll get the job done, and clock in well under the standard long form 3-5k words that no one reads anyway.
Don't kid yourself, you know you scroll until you see the dollar signs. They do too! Make it easy on them. 

The "r" is silent.

Sales copy that goes down smoooooth.

Give it a shot!

yesssss, less words & more money!


1. A musician, designer, artist, painter, photographer, writer, coach, etc. 
2. One who takes pride in individuality, non-conformity, and/or pandemonium.
3. Natural thought leader, influencer, one who possesses innate gifts & talent.
4. A risk taking entrepreneur unwilling to give up or back down from their dream; will not stop until their passions are profitable.

Launch Copy for Creatives & Educators

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what they say, "people read long copy, they don't read boring copy." Mkay, but won't they find the buy button sooner if they aren't scrolling their life away?

Veruca sang the people's anthem: I WANT IT NOW. Was she really a bad egg or just visiting the chocolate factory from the future? 

Long-form sales pages are so... *ew face*

I talked to your buyer. She's a very important woman & doesn't have time for a long-form page. She just wants to know: 

What is it? Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Or is it the hottest product that's ever graced the Internet?

C'mon I know you don't read all 5,000 words.

Why should I care? Don't give me the fluffy well rehearsed pitch. I want features, benefits & credibility, please & thank you. 

How do I get it? You have less than 7 seconds to keep my attention, and if it takes me that long to scroll down the whole damn page I'm outtttt.

...yeah, that's pretty much what she said verbatim.

What You Get

In case you're all "Don't care how, I want it now" a la Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory

Optional Upgrade: New Lead Magnet Pitch & 5-Email Welcome Sequence

Well you need to drive traffic to your new copy, don't you? Promote a lil' something new. Grow your list (it's important!), win friends and influence more people with a chile lime description of your latest freebie and a new sequence to match!

Apply now.

Short & Stout Sales Copy Starting at $4,500

1 Short & Stout Sales Page

We've been over this. Size DOES matter. No one wants to read 5,000 words Karen. And I don't want to write them.
You'll get one punchy, straight to the nose sales pages that'll swiftly move your buyer from, "eh, idk," to "take my money." I study sales psychology for fun, it's this hip new hobby I'm trying out. My client's love me for it.

My Signature Self-Awareness Assignment

Ahh yes, the signature assignment. Much like the self-awareness assignment my web copy clients get, this one is the LBD (little black dress) of sales copy. It hugs your offer in all the right places, but does a shit job of concealing any jiggly bits you're trying to hide. I need intimate details about you, your brand, and your buyers.

Optional Upgrade: 3-5 Ad Variations

Check this out: 3 stages of the buyer's journey, minimum 3 ads to target those who don't know about your offer yet, haven't gotten off the fence or haven't purchased. And of course, a couple extra for A/B testing purposes. 

8-12 Talk Conversion to Me Emails

A range? Yes, because no two launches are alike. In fact, the ONLY thing all launches have in common is the absolute need for a sales sequence to affectionately push your buyers off the fence. We'll go over exactly how many you need, when to send 'em and all that jazz in our...

Strategy Hour

After you've completed your questionnaire, (getting to it!) we'll talk through your answers and dig further into the psyche of your buyer. We'll talk through the entire buyer journey from awareness through decision, so I can be sure you can take this launch copy all the way to the bank. 

Chile Lime Chaser

Everyone knows a shot of tequila is pairs perfectly with a lick of salt & lime. Everyone also knows that selling your product with a canned, bland "I help" pitch will lead to glossed over eyes and stale sales. I'm kinda known for my "chile lime lines" the bring the flavor to feeds across the Internet. In this package, you'll get a custom chile lime line for your product so your pitches and promotions actually stand out.

Cocktail Hour

Cheers to you and your eminent success! Before I step into my next pair of shoes, I want to make sure you feel confident about your sales strategy and chile lime pitching!

"Can I hire you to write my social media captions too?"

and other questions I get asked a lot.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. No.

Who do you work with? Am I a good fit?

I work with creatives & coaches who are sure of themselves. You know what you bring to the table, and you're confident about your offers, talent, and your value. Copy ain't cheap, so we're not a good fit if you're in your first 1-2 years of business, you see yourself changing direction, or you're not financially sound enough for a 4-figure* investment. *3 if we're talking intensives.

Do you do web design too?

Does it look like I designed this site myself? I did, so don’t insult me. But that’s because I like a challenge, I’m OCD, and could use a lesson in humility. Short answer, just ask! I offer limited Copy & Creative Direction spots quarterly, depending on the availability of my exclusive brand & web designer, Sophie Haren. If you’re looking for a complete brand overhaul, please email me:

Do you do payment plans?

I do indeed! I can split payment into 3-5 monthly installments. For web copy, your first payment is due upon contract signing to hold your spot. For intensives, I ask for a 50% non-refundable deposit. (Ya know, since I've reserved my day for you. You understand.)

When can we start?

*raises eyebrows yet again...this time seductively* So my copy worked on you, huh? I'll be honest, I'm typically booked 2-3 months out so speak now or forever have sub-par copy. (Did I type that out loud?!)